Sunday, January 25, 2009

Australia's Proudest Tribe

Ah, Australia.

An ancient land, filled with unique fauna, extraordinary flora of all types - at least around the coasts - and filled with history and a vast tribal heritage. None of these tribes more beautiful and culturally rich than the Bogans.


BOGAN3


A Bogan can be easily recognised by the strange way they fashion their hair. Named after a small tough fish, we can only surmise that the hair gained it's name as it contains the same amount of oil one of these real mullets do.


BOGAN1


The Bogan also wears a similar garb of flannellete and torn denim no matter where in Australia you may find him - and he is almost always called Bazza. (On rare occasions you may also find a Davo.) The female of the species usually goes by Shazza. A type of protective camouflage, perhaps? The Bogan has only a few natural enemies - the police, the tax department, the employment office and if they drive Holdens they need to beware of Ford owners. And vice versa.


BOGAN2


Their main protection from the searing summer suns in this brown land are the rubber coatings on their feet. One of the favourite methods of play by a Bogan is to confuse all interlopers by referring to them as "thongs." This male specimen stayed still eating his pie long enough for us to also show you his main method of attracting females - the tantalising hint of pubic hair showing just above the waistband.


BOGAN4


The language of these mystical people is also haunting and lovely to the ear. If you listen in the evenings, the streets peal with the mating call of "Where's me farkin beer woman?" which is accompanied by a megadecibel rendition of their tribal anthem, Khe Sanh.


BOGAN5


All in all, these amazing people deserve to be listed as a unique culture and cherished. And we need to be tolerant and respectful of their worship for their tribal gods, The Legendary Brocky King Of The Mountain and The One Named Baaaaaaarnsey. And keep them well supplied with their beloved Veebees and Winnie Blues. This can be best achieved by establishing more dole offices in regional centres where the Bogan population is thickest. If you plan on entering Bogan territory, however - we recommend you take your own water. Not that it's considered unpotable in these lands, but rather due to the hygiene levels of these people we aren't entirely sure if they have any. It's also a good idea to equip yourself with cassettes by Accadacca as an peace offering should you run into trouble. It's no longer legal to hunt the Bogans.. but occasionally they may decide to come after you. You should be safe in their lands as long as you don't enter in a Nissan Skyline. And steer clear of servos, bottlos, and blue light discos.


It's time we disproved what they say, Nobody likes a Bogan.




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Basically I was seized by Sasy Scarborough and given a forceable make over for Australia Day.

"Style" details are
Overtorn Denim Shirts and Muscle Shirt by Jungle Wear
Flip Flops - or THONGS as we call them here by Detour
Autumn Hair by Philotic Energy (Thank you Aems!)
Tattoos by Addixion
Cigarette by Nait Smith
Pictures of myself being molested by a koala by Sasy Scarborough on Flickr

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!


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10 comments:

  1. you rock the bogan Sir *bows*

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  2. Bogan!!! Bogan!!! YAY!!! \o/ \o/ :-D

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  3. Why thank you for informing an ignorant American of a far away culture. heehee!

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  4. ROFLMAO. Why are your shorts so shredded? Dare I ask? ...And can boi Ach get in on the action? >3

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  5. OMG you are awesome Winter!!!! too much laughing over here LOL

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  6. Country cousin, hillbilly, yokel- would a redneck by any other name smell less of malted barley?

    Wonderful post, Winter. ;)

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  7. Who says it's illegal to hunt Bogans?

    [Faerie runs off to XLStreet to buy a shotgun]

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  8. And lets not forget the Bogan love call that makes any Australian with more than an ounce of class wince in embarrassment. "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi"

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  9. Christ on a bike, and I thought it was only the UK that had morons like these.

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